Away for a little while

Well this blog isn't going to be much about food but generally what is going on with me.
About three years ago I had had the best grandpa in the world. He taught me, my sister and my cousins soo much. The most important thing he taught me was how to fish and how to filet them. Then about three years ago he started to change. He wasn't himself. My grandma actually moved out after he told her that he didn't love her and never should have married her, mind you after more than 50 years. They had met when she was 16....she's well into her seventies now. Well recently about two weeks ago he complained about pains in his side. He continued to go to doctors and get opinions. Turns out he had cancer and it had spread to his lungs as well. So they operated on a Wednesday. My parents flew down on Thursday (he's in florida). He didn't do so well in the operation and they almost lost him. After a few days they said that it had spread more and that he was going to go into hospice care. Then on Monday morning his body gave up.
Heartwrenching as that is for me....I know that he is at peace now. After three years of not being himself, not being the grandpa that I knew and loved dearly. The man that taught me to fish, how to catch minnows, that had me fry him hotdogs and the man that used to put mustard on EVERYTHING had been fading for three years and now there is no chance of getting him back. I always thought that he'd be at my wedding.....
So throughout all of the MRI's and cat scans the doctors found a spot on his brain that show the signs of an old stroke. So that possibly explains the entire attitude change.

It has been very hard for me to accept how I have acted through the entire ordeal. I was hurt and confused and far away from the entire situation. What do you do when someone you have known for all your life suddenly changes? How do you cope with that? Now there is no way for me to tell him that I am sorry and that I still love him. 

So it is remembering the good times we used to have. It is remembering the last time I spent with him in Disney before his change.  It is remembering that he was touched by the support I tried to give him when he and my grandma separated. 

I will be traveling down to Florida with my sister for the funeral. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I don't go. I hope that somehow there will be closure, but this will be a tough trip.